We are on a family holiday, yet I am currently in the hotel room and I am the only one of us in the hotel. Mother and I had a very loud argument on the street and she sent me to the hotel. Despite her commanding me to do so, in the manner of punishing a child, I was glad to go as I was aching from being so tired and had been for a long time. (I realise that I might come across as being embarrassingly feeble here, but we did do two 50-minute boat journeys on very hard seats. My brother and sister were also uncharacteristically tired, while our parents easily napped on the boat.)

I wonder if the argument would sound so petty to you. It wouldn't have escalated, as it did, if any of the other three - my siblings and father - butted in, told us which, if either, of us was overreacting and, basically, just resolved the issue for us.

The issue is this:
Every day of this holiday we would eat lunch only when mother believes it is finally time for us to stop in our tracks and take a break along the journey for us to eat. Today, the last of the 3 full days we have here, she made it seem that stopping to eat is a waste of time since we only are only on this holiday for a limited time.

After years of habit - including her penchant of eating at set times - I am determined for lunch to be around 1pm. So, some 10 minutes after she decided against eating at the café by the Chinese Pavillions at Drottningholm Palace, on our way out of the grounds, I asked my sister if she was hungry and, because she said that she was - and it is perhaps half past 1 by this time - I encouraged her to let mother know. In response, mother said that we could eat some biscuits. Can you imagine my dismay? It is raining, nearing the later end of lunchtime and the only plans she has for us to eat anytime soon is some biscuits; plus the boat we intended to board in the next few minutes only served snacks and very expensive hot food. Thus lunch would be after the 50 minute ride back to Stockholm, plus however long it takes to find a restaurant, sit, choose our foods, order and have it made.

But that's not what the argument was about, not really. What actually pushed me over the edge was that instead of feeding us proper lunches - since only she carried money and so I think it's her responsibility to buy us food when we need (and buy us I mean myself, my 17-year-old sister and my 11-year-old brother) - she let my brother have a piece of cake. His second piece of cake of the day. She defends that by saying that we're on holiday, so it's fine for him to have some cake. But the first piece of cake was also a snack, before we reached the palace, to make him fuller for a little longer. I agree the odd piece of cake is fine, but two pieces in substitute for lunch is not okay. Especially when he is 11 and the habits he has today are likely to be set as he goes through puberty and adolescence, and he will end up obese.

This cake incident may be a weak example of a food choice indicating obesity in later life, but I don't want to give any more as it would embarrass my brother.

This incident tipped me over the edge for several issues I've been battling, which I will now merely list as I am now dizzy from tiredness and other unknown reasons. Sorry.
- For the weeks I've been home, not once has she set aside time to spend with my brother on an activity they both enjoy. Watching TV together definitely does not count, since they would be watching something only my brother is enjoying and when mother watches a program she enjoys, my brother will go off and play.
- I understand that she's busy, but a card game once in a while would help build a bond so that we'd see her as a friend, and not just our mother. I often scoff when I hear someone say that their mother is their best friend, but actually it is quite sweet that their relationship has developed beyond what might be deemed necessary and obliging. My mother has always been just my mother, to me, and, in my opinion, to my siblings. The only time we spend together is when we are eating together, but conversation isn't fluid or based on any mutual interests; when we're on holiday, yet there is no shared enthusiasm for the itinerary as I and my sister are asked to take charge; or when she needs some errands to be done, something needs to be bought for school or she wants to go shopping.
- Since I've been home, every day, I have played games with my brother. I don't want to just be his sister, but also his friend and I have managed to learn how to talk to him and ask him for favours so that he will be more helpful, more mindful around the house; he is kind enough to wait for me tidy away the last dishes when others have left to do other things after dinner. ..there are times when he practises on the piano with very little reluctance, whereas our mother has to nag at him because the way she speaks is [something I will get back to another time]

Lastly, I needed someone to intervene on the argument so that it didn't have to resort to her punishing me in the manner you would a child. Because I am 22 and I need to learn to act more maturely. She often tells me that I need to, but I have no role models for this because of my limited interaction with anyone. Last night we had dinner with our parents' friend and her two sons aged 15 and 17, or thereabouts, and I was most comfortable messing around with my brother than talking with the grownups about politics, the way things are in Indonesia, Stockholm, London and other niddly things like that or talking with the boys about their school or any of their interests or my own.

Instead, in the company of strangers, rather than being reserved, well-mannered and accommodating, as I agree I should've acted, my brother and I couldn't help revising "rock, paper, scissors" to include anything you can think of and I went "whee!" when the car turned a sharp corner.

I don't like coffee, but I like this. Yes, boss.

(Have you seen the Hollywood badass [not always an oxymoron] that was the face of Boss Coffee, btw? And while you're looking that up, check out Nicholas Cage's pachinko adverts)

Japan, I am going to miss your stations that play recorded bird sounds on the platforms.

Dear future-self

cottage/treehouse/log cabin rental holiday.

Dear skin,
don't worry, I'll settle in a place where it doesn't get too hot to wear sunscreen. I admit that this morning is not especially warm, perhaps (only) in the 20s, but my room was warm enough for the cream to have melted before I stepped outside..