Just got home. I like to think that if I didn't have to work today, I'd've spent Christmas Day cycling around London.

Plan for today: watch Wonders of the Solar System on Eden +1 (ends at 3pm), cook roast beef dinner (roast beef, gravy, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, boiled veg), (finally) watch My Neighbour Totoro on FilmFour at 5.15 (or at 6.15 on +1).

Must remember to drink water and look for a job in the ad breaks.

After dinner, he wanted me to keep him company while he worked on his essay. Walking from mine to his, I wore the coat I'd worn all through the cold months of second year and, because of old habits, he says, he reached for my hand to hold in his, in his pocket. I called him silly.

I wish his girlfriend would announce whether she will visit him this summer.

why are there no concessions for emotional problems?
I can't help being in love with my best friend. I love him more now than the second year of us dating. Then, it felt that we were together out of habit, though he's said that he was in love with me then, in a craze of desire.

Now.. here's an extract of the email I sent him earlier this evening:

"You're more like a boyfriend to me now than when we were dating in second year.. we talk and have engaging conversations now, I'm not near as awkward or shy around you, and we can really goof around, share things and enjoy things together.
...

But I don't understand how you can love her when you put hardly any effort into sharing things with her, while we hang out, talk and laugh together every day. Does she know about your career/post-graduation-related worries, that you'd considered taking the law conversion course, followed it up and decided against it, that you almost had an interview for being a life model, how you desperately need money for food, how you enjoy Alain de Botton's talks, or how you see me as your best friend? Have you sent her a message on a whim the way you were sure I'd enjoy your story of seeing sheep charging in a field and so felt compelled, somewhat, to tell me?

I understand that you don't love me and I'm trying to come to terms with it.. haha, or perhaps I'm trying to persuade you to or "make you realise" that you love me. But I wish I don't love you as I do, yet, as your friend, I want to make sure that you understand why you love her."

[A note to my statement 'you put hardly any effort into sharing things with her': they communicate, at most, every 2 weeks. She'll send him text messages and he'll reply, every two weeks. No emails, perhaps a Skype date every 3 weeks, but not both text messages and Skype dates in a single month, no.]

Despite feeling almost desperate to go grocery shopping, I managed to make a carrot cake for a dinner party. It was a big hit too! Hurrah.

I went through his phone and read the messages between him and her recently, of course, she initiated the brief conversation. She sounds adorable, living in her world of fantasy. She spoke of wanting to cycle to the moon..
There was a wondrous night a few weeks back when the sky here was clear and the moon so bright I didn't need to walk the path from the road to my house or search for the keys in my bag by the light of my phone. I had wanted to go on a stroll with him that night but he was elsewhere. A stroll with anyone that night would have been delightful! By the light of the moon, I wanted to go on an adventurous bike ride. I don't want to cycle to the moon, there's nothing there and nothing along the way but the view of the world from up high and whatever stories you imagine. For me, the world is already exciting. I wanted to cycle to the beach and be frightened by crashing waves and whatever monsters were spying inland. But that would be at the end of the journey, before I surrender to sleep. Along the way I hoped to pass houses with curtains not yet drawn and glimpse into so many spectacular lives, ride through tree-lined roads and past bus stops and stations, stopping to talk to people along the way. I wanted to experience the enchantment of the mundane yet unfamiliar. Why run away from everyone before getting to know them all?

I have only two utterly reliable friends (and I do rely/depend in them): Stephen and Miriam.  They are also the only two people I can be absolutely honest with and am absolutely comfortable with. Interestingly, although I am on various "social networking" platforms to make keeping in touch with many people that I know from multiple places, I cannot use any of them to contact these two friends.

I am sure that if I didn't have a fever last week (absolutely depleting my energy and concentration levels for a couple days) and wasn't encumbered with IT difficulties over the weekend, this essay for anth and development would have been handed in by now. Learning fingerspelling while making the plan for this essay this morning is another matter entirely.

4th weekend in Canterbury? the second in which all my housemates will spend at their family homes.

A bad morning is being remedied by having pizza for breakfast.

Good night: Japan soc was a presentation of surprising facts about Japan; Jenga and Moods at Rutherford bar; Magic at Mungo's singing along to every song they played. Then walking home with Laura who lives two doors down from me.

Don't you just hate it when you've spent ages on the wrong thing for hwk? Plus I'd just realised today, the day before the class. But hooray for not reading just one article for this class! I have a back up already highlighted :) let's keep this up.

We finally got internet set up in the house last night and I managed to finally talk to Gwynnie today. I lost two hours of my day of catching up on work, preparing for seminars tomorrow, but I've gained buckets of energy.

I'm listening to Good News for People Who Love Bad News and my first reaction is 'oh, hello childhood'. But the familar feeling of enjoying this album doesn't come from my childhood in the ordinary sense. It was during those GCSE years when I was introduced to Modest Mouse. In this case, 'childhood' refers to the distant memory-feelings; here particularly they are of an unexepected strongly enveloping happiness. Not a flood of memories being realised or a specific feeling that is stimulated by the present circumstance, but feelings that are familiarly associated with this stimulus. I think.

I'm not used to being happy, so I describe it thus.

First day of school, final year

I've never sat on a bench by the duck pond before, but I can't think of a better place to be right now. To rest.

After being idle all summer, walking up to campus almost every day in the first week of moving to Canterbury is really pushing myself to be active and do that much exercise to build up my endurance. And by the end of the week I was fit enough to do the 20 minute uphill trek without panting, but doing the same route on the first day of school with 6 books and a litre bottle of water resets my fitness scale.

I didn't have anyone to share a pizza with at dinner last night, so of course there's no one to meet for breakfast at 8am on a Sunday morning.

Wand: silver lime with dragon core, 12 inches, slightly yielding

From Mr Garrick Ollivander's notes

Wood: "This unusual and highly attractive wand wood was greatly in vogue in the nineteenth century. Demand outstripped supply, and unscrupulous wandmakers dyed substandard woods in an effort to fool purchasers into believing that they had purchased silver lime. The reasons for these wands’ desirability lay not only in their unusually handsome appearance, but also because they had a reputation for performing best for Seers and those skilled in Legilimency, mysterious arts both, which consequently gave the possessor of a silver lime wand considerable status. When demand was at its height, wandmaker Arturo Cephalopos claimed that the association between silver lime and clairvoyance was ‘a falsehood circulated by merchants like Gerbold Ollivander (my own grandfather), who have overstocked their workshops with silver lime and hope to shift their surplus.’ But Cephalopos was a slipshod wandmaker and an ignoramus, and nobody, Seer or not, was surprised when he went out of business."

Core: "As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental."

Lengths: "Many wandmakers simply match the wand length to the size of the witch or wizard who will use it, but this is a crude measure, and fails to take into account many other, important considerations. In my experience, longer wands might suit taller wizards, but they tend to be drawn to bigger personalities, and those of a more spacious and dramatic style of magic. Neater wands favour more elegant and refined spell-casting. However, no single aspect of wand composition should be considered in isolation of all the others, and the type of wood, the core and the flexibility may either counterbalance or enhance the attributes of the wand’s length."

good start to the day:
- up and breakfasted before 9, cos I had to help Yusuf find a shirt for school
- caught up on a couple weeks' worth of QC and GWS, so now I can start using the DailyComix app again
- the The National radio on we7 has been perfect while catching up on my comics
- watched (and cried over) this TED talk on a man that had worked as a forger of official documents to save hundreds, possibly thousands, of people from persecution since he was 17, since the second world war

Good morning!
I'm catching up on QC before doing any chores. Here, read this, read the author's note at the bottom. Yes! That's my favourite part of a live symphony performance: when they take their seats and tune their instruments. Heck, that part's so much fun, if it goes on too long, I'll get my fill of the show before it's begun.

Btw, what's 'music ethnography'? Sounds fascinating.

Today I learnt how to tie a full windsor knot and how to tie a bow tie.
Yusuf starts secondary school TOMORROW and I want him to learn to tie a tie properly: with a symmetrical knot and the tie ending before the top of the trousers, so I looked up how. While learning how to tie a bow tie is just in preparation of when I have to help my date get ready for a formal dinner and dance.

We are on a family holiday, yet I am currently in the hotel room and I am the only one of us in the hotel. Mother and I had a very loud argument on the street and she sent me to the hotel. Despite her commanding me to do so, in the manner of punishing a child, I was glad to go as I was aching from being so tired and had been for a long time. (I realise that I might come across as being embarrassingly feeble here, but we did do two 50-minute boat journeys on very hard seats. My brother and sister were also uncharacteristically tired, while our parents easily napped on the boat.)

I wonder if the argument would sound so petty to you. It wouldn't have escalated, as it did, if any of the other three - my siblings and father - butted in, told us which, if either, of us was overreacting and, basically, just resolved the issue for us.

The issue is this:
Every day of this holiday we would eat lunch only when mother believes it is finally time for us to stop in our tracks and take a break along the journey for us to eat. Today, the last of the 3 full days we have here, she made it seem that stopping to eat is a waste of time since we only are only on this holiday for a limited time.

After years of habit - including her penchant of eating at set times - I am determined for lunch to be around 1pm. So, some 10 minutes after she decided against eating at the café by the Chinese Pavillions at Drottningholm Palace, on our way out of the grounds, I asked my sister if she was hungry and, because she said that she was - and it is perhaps half past 1 by this time - I encouraged her to let mother know. In response, mother said that we could eat some biscuits. Can you imagine my dismay? It is raining, nearing the later end of lunchtime and the only plans she has for us to eat anytime soon is some biscuits; plus the boat we intended to board in the next few minutes only served snacks and very expensive hot food. Thus lunch would be after the 50 minute ride back to Stockholm, plus however long it takes to find a restaurant, sit, choose our foods, order and have it made.

But that's not what the argument was about, not really. What actually pushed me over the edge was that instead of feeding us proper lunches - since only she carried money and so I think it's her responsibility to buy us food when we need (and buy us I mean myself, my 17-year-old sister and my 11-year-old brother) - she let my brother have a piece of cake. His second piece of cake of the day. She defends that by saying that we're on holiday, so it's fine for him to have some cake. But the first piece of cake was also a snack, before we reached the palace, to make him fuller for a little longer. I agree the odd piece of cake is fine, but two pieces in substitute for lunch is not okay. Especially when he is 11 and the habits he has today are likely to be set as he goes through puberty and adolescence, and he will end up obese.

This cake incident may be a weak example of a food choice indicating obesity in later life, but I don't want to give any more as it would embarrass my brother.

This incident tipped me over the edge for several issues I've been battling, which I will now merely list as I am now dizzy from tiredness and other unknown reasons. Sorry.
- For the weeks I've been home, not once has she set aside time to spend with my brother on an activity they both enjoy. Watching TV together definitely does not count, since they would be watching something only my brother is enjoying and when mother watches a program she enjoys, my brother will go off and play.
- I understand that she's busy, but a card game once in a while would help build a bond so that we'd see her as a friend, and not just our mother. I often scoff when I hear someone say that their mother is their best friend, but actually it is quite sweet that their relationship has developed beyond what might be deemed necessary and obliging. My mother has always been just my mother, to me, and, in my opinion, to my siblings. The only time we spend together is when we are eating together, but conversation isn't fluid or based on any mutual interests; when we're on holiday, yet there is no shared enthusiasm for the itinerary as I and my sister are asked to take charge; or when she needs some errands to be done, something needs to be bought for school or she wants to go shopping.
- Since I've been home, every day, I have played games with my brother. I don't want to just be his sister, but also his friend and I have managed to learn how to talk to him and ask him for favours so that he will be more helpful, more mindful around the house; he is kind enough to wait for me tidy away the last dishes when others have left to do other things after dinner. ..there are times when he practises on the piano with very little reluctance, whereas our mother has to nag at him because the way she speaks is [something I will get back to another time]

Lastly, I needed someone to intervene on the argument so that it didn't have to resort to her punishing me in the manner you would a child. Because I am 22 and I need to learn to act more maturely. She often tells me that I need to, but I have no role models for this because of my limited interaction with anyone. Last night we had dinner with our parents' friend and her two sons aged 15 and 17, or thereabouts, and I was most comfortable messing around with my brother than talking with the grownups about politics, the way things are in Indonesia, Stockholm, London and other niddly things like that or talking with the boys about their school or any of their interests or my own.

Instead, in the company of strangers, rather than being reserved, well-mannered and accommodating, as I agree I should've acted, my brother and I couldn't help revising "rock, paper, scissors" to include anything you can think of and I went "whee!" when the car turned a sharp corner.

I don't like coffee, but I like this. Yes, boss.

(Have you seen the Hollywood badass [not always an oxymoron] that was the face of Boss Coffee, btw? And while you're looking that up, check out Nicholas Cage's pachinko adverts)

Japan, I am going to miss your stations that play recorded bird sounds on the platforms.

Dear future-self

cottage/treehouse/log cabin rental holiday.

Dear skin,
don't worry, I'll settle in a place where it doesn't get too hot to wear sunscreen. I admit that this morning is not especially warm, perhaps (only) in the 20s, but my room was warm enough for the cream to have melted before I stepped outside..

Please do not wait until the night before the dinner party to tell the host that the two friends you will bring can not eat two thirds of the dishes that will be prepared. My gosh. The dishes were decided two weeks ago, two weeks prior to the party and were listed in the invitation for all to read. Also, I'd sent out a message last week asking for everyone to let us know if there's anything they can't eat. The problem isn't just that I wish we'd known sooner so that we'd have time to modify the menu, especially before buying the ingredients, but also I am uncomfortable with having put so much effort into organising the preparation of food for 30 people and 2 of them will bring food from outside. Almost feels like my hosting is being put to shame, especially as I'd hoped for a party where we would all share food as well as conversation..

This is where you'll find me

This entry comes after watching Charlie McDonnell's vlog to his future self and I thought it's a neat a idea, an idea I often have, and while I will not consider putting together a vlog for my future self - with my very limited filming/editing capabilities, it is feasible that I might post an entry specificlly for my future self and carry a note in my wallet to remind me to read said post on a certain birthday.. But, actually, I feel that all my posts are for my future self since, well, I'm the only audience I have. Oh I didn't mean for that to come of as a sad "will you follow me" plea, but to remind anyone that stumbles upon this that I am writing to turn my inward garble into prose amusingly documenting my inane thoughts..

Also for both my present and future self, a list of my various internet profiles:

• Last.fm -  to learn about some of my music taste, according to what gets scrobbled from Spotify or we7 (thus it doesn't include the songs I choose at karaoke, the songs I sing along to playing in shops, or what I hear on the radio)
• Twitter - when I have something I want to say to a general mas
• Youtube - it's very likely that I won't upload videos (actually, that could depend on the quality of the HTC Wildfire), so it'll merely be a collection of videos I like and a permission slip to comment on videos
• StumbleUpon - I spend hours strolling through the internet and here's one of the reasons why, plus a way of keeping track of some of the better places I might want to visit again
• We Heart It - I only use this when I am actively procrastinating, as opposed to "oh, I wonder..." then find that all the quick little things I've clicked on have taken up a large part of the house
• Daily Booth - very new to me, I signed up to it as soon as I'd learnt about it (as that's the only way you get to actually experience it) and it could potentially become a big favourite of mine. I don't like how it seems that some 90% of the photos uploaded are of the users themselves and I don't intend to follow it, so here's to hoping my (wishfully) lovely photos will cause a stir and provoke a revolution!

oh, nothing particularly life-changing happened in the missing blog post weeks, btw.

Except for deciding to have a party "to celebrate this wonderful year [as a Waseda student, in Tokyo] with the people that have made it so". Marion is my co-organiser, we've set it as our duty to buy all the supplies for the party. It will be held at the dorm and to make it cheap (and comfortable?) we plan to make the food ourselves, with the help of an army of friends. Menu: okonomiyaki, curry (two kinds: vegetables only and with chicken), potato salad, gyoza, crisps and other such snacks, and perhaps some dozens of cream puffs if we have enough money leftover (we're charging just 1000yen per person).

There will be alcoholic and soft drinks. The base group of invites is comprised of 13 exchange students and each can bring/invite up to 3 people each, so we expected around 50 people but very few have invited people to this party and numbers stand at around 30.

New Blog Chapter!

Evidently, my post-a-day thing failed.. I overestimated my determination/motivation and underestimated my lazy. Good grief. To fight against these horrendous, everlasting characterisitcs of mine, I will keep this post brief, so that I will carry out what I plan to do this afternoon. After finishing this post and posting it, I will turn off the computer and haul what I need to the top floor kitchen and finally T_T start on my sociology paper due Friday.

Actually, I'm going to put here the notes I have for it thus far, because it would amuse my future self (who I hope will have improved her memory and recollection, analysis and connection-making, and general smarty explanation skills - ganbatte).
- self-recognition and realisation of individual self
- social field: ontological knowledge, waves (amplification of emotion/reaction/opinion etc), identity reassurance
- Apollonian vs Dionysian
- blogging and social networks


Now on to the purpose of this blog post [I am actually yelling this title - in my head - but since I haven't the patience to dabble with fonts and such (not so complicated but still fiddly) technical things and won't let myself hand write, colour-code and generally artify my posts.. ¬_¬ this note is longer than the phrase itself = rambling (sorry)].
To further encourage myself to practise writing, for the sake of writing, for the sake of improvement, for the sake of finding something I can be proud of (this is just one of several things I'm "dabbling" with, mostly mentally dabbling with..), I present the following list:

• because I spend hours flitting about the computer, in my posts, I could include links and my reactions to what I've found (also look for 'purrrrrple' on StumbleUpon.com)
• stop talking about the boy, whichever boy it happens to be at the time - it doesn't help with your impression (the impression you're putting forward of yourself), your situation, your frustration (very much), so just do some starjumps and have a chai latte, or make some brownies (with chopped strawberries)
• describe a dress you'd recently designed/thought up
• [bah, I keep switching between first and second person. I think I speak in first person when I'm anywhere between ecstatically happy and mildly content, but anything negatively beyond that becomes second person nagging]
• write that entry on fireflies at Chinsan-zo
• Make a plan to love me [it's a song reference, don't take it too seriously]
• what's happening elsewhere in the world?
• are you eating properly? if not, what would you like to eat and where?

Thank you.

This is the blog of a girl that cried on your shoulder and expects to not have to wait more than 3 days for a reply email, but it's been 2 weeks. You suck. You promised that you would keep in touch. You know that we'd be great friends if you did. You know that even at 22 years old I haven't found my "best friend" yet and that you're probably the closest person to that role, out of all my friends, if only you would keep in touch. I hate-love you.

Also, I'm really freakin hungry. It is half past 2am in Tokyo, I have class at 9am and I want a bicycle to ride across town, eastwards to the sea, as far as I can until I collapse or give in to my hunger and buy an oily bento from the konbini. Or meet some people that want to talk to me and are utterly delightful and we will go to some whacky "outsider's impression of what magic Tokyo holds" kinda place. Why do such mundane nights tend to happen the night before I have an early class? What's more is that I have a full day ahead of me: Japanese 9am -12.10, then I have to get on the train and go for a fieldtrip, to I don't know where, though I do want to go to the computer room on campus (that's only open at night and just 10 minutes' walk away) to print out the instructions, and my day will end when I finaly return to my dorm at 5pm, in time for dinner.

When it's this late, I tend to get complain-y, I think. But watch the "Alex reads Twilight" series on Youtube and you'll think that I'm not that whiny, especially since I've just tipped you off to something LOL funny.

I used to have a still from The Notebook as my desktop background image: it was of the scene where they're laying down in the middle of the road, at night, watching the traffic lights change. But I've now changed it to a photo of Katy Perry, performing on what seems to be a catwalk, wearing a dress where the skirt is a model of a carousel. Forget romance, Prince Charming and "happily ever after". What I need is to remind myself that I can be independent, interesting in my own right and simply amazing (if I just stop spending so much freakin' time on the computer and grow up already).

wah! missed the day-change by a few minutes and I'm too tired for a proper post. sorry. Tomorrow there will be some thoughts on fireflies for you!

This post is going to be a bit of a cheat because, while you might learn a bit about me, I will be hardly saying anything.. I'm sorry, I'm pressed for time. After I post this (that I watched in Gender Studies class today), I must focus on my homework, head out to Paddy's (English conversation club at Waseda), then meet Gwynnie to test out her new oven, I give you this. (At least this way I am keeping up with the a-post-a-day.

I've failed my post-a-day on the fourth day because I didn't want to do it when I was on the computer this morning, skipping class to reply to Stephen's email, urging him to consider breaking up with his girl because "I really do worry that you might both come close to the situation I had found myself in: holding on to a love because of all the joy it had brought you, though all the joys are just memories and depend on you being together" and "I think of the heartache she must be suffering, as she lives for the time to pass until you next meet again (and when will that be?), and how long it might last".

You see, I'm sceptical of long distance relationships working out, especially when there's no definite plan to meet again and for any future meeting to be brief, before another great span of separation, of sombre yearning. I take the stance that "should you both have difficulty in being a happy couple because the absence of the other makes your lives hard to bear, breaking up would allow you both to acknowledge and be grateful for the happy memories you had made, keep the relationship from going sour because you're both frustrated, and allow you to find other joys without feeling guilty or encroaching on the other's desire"..

But, of course, I only say that because I'm not one in the relationship. If I were in their position, it would take some threatening and serious bribing to get me to call off the relationship. ..so I worry my emails to him this morning were too brash and might have upset him, though "I'm determined that it is important for you to understand that breaking up needs to be an option in your mind, in the same way that it was important for me to realise how hopeless and helpless I was, and move on" (but that is not to say I believe their situation is hopeless!).

"If you both believe this will work out for you and are determined to make it so, why wouldn't it?"

Yes, I'm nice enough to balance my heart-wrenching, practical advice with words of encouragement.

"I must emphasise that it is very important, I feel, that you distinguish between giving her time and giving her space. I ask that you give her time, by waiting for her to piece together a reply to your confession. She loves you very much; she doesn't want to lose you and will eventually reply. But don't give her space, don't think that you should wait for her to respond before you send her another email. There's already plenty of space between you and that's what's driving you guys crazy, so send many emails to greet her delightfully each time she opens her inbox.."

(While I realise that posting these excerpts might anger Stephen because I am revealing what might be assumed private between us, I think it is important that my blog contains posts that advise my future self..)

I've just/finally changed the time zone setting on my computer, so that blogs will be posted with timestamps declaring Tokyo time.

Dear Myra, please stop listening to xx and drawing moustaches

I've listened to the album near daily for about two weeks now! It was then that I finally gave it a listen, but I was only enthusiastic to give music more attention to keep my mind off of Steve. Unfortunately, though I feel the album is near perfect, thus listening to it so often, the association of the album with the situation, the timing, makes me sad whenever I listen to it. And even more so when the lyrics fit with strong memories or the situation itself! This, I think, should be a reason encouraging The xx to hasten the production of a new album.

As for the moustaches, ha! I was so impressed by the concept of a moustache party that drawing moustaches has become my way of dealing with stress. When Aaron and I were apart I was determined for him to take it up to. I sent him a photo of a moustache I drew on my shoulder, that would be covered by my t-shirt, cos I thought it'd be a neat gift: for the boyfriend to know of something hidden underneath his girlfriend's clothes (however daft it is!). Recently, I've drawn several moustaches on myleft arm (because I'm right-handed) and on my phone, but, to my dismay, they never turn out symmetrical. I always draw the right side first and always prefer its shape to the left side of the moustach, and I find that odd.

New month's resolution!

After yesterday's sappy blog post, I decided to put the blog log in page as one of my homepage tabs to encourage *drum roll* a post a day! I talk to myself a lot, so I'm sure this should be no problem. Heck, I'm more likely to keep this up that to hand in all my work on time, right?

Tonight is Saehena's birthday do. Her birthday is on the same day as Jean-bean's, so we'll be celebrating them both tonight. ..at 10 Cafe, near the Book Off by Baba Station. The plan is for two hours nomihoudai (for 2000yen), then we'll see where the night takes us, though I imagine my wallet will take me back home. I haven't a gift for either of them, or Rachel's birthday that's coming up soon, but Jenna came up with the neat idea of making Jean a cheese sandwich (using her ultra delicious French cheese!). To this party I will wear the "jumpsuit" (I'm not sure what it's called in British English) that I bought at Forever 21 the other day: after we went to the ward office to sort out our health insurance (and I, the level 1, spoke more Japanese than the other two, who are at levels 2 and 3). "Jumpsuits" are in right now, but it's hard finding one for my height, so I had to succumb to shopping at the American brand's store. And I'm glad I did cos I've not seen myself look so cool in so long.. (Ahh, a shallow blog post..)

Not long before beginning this post, I spoke to my sister on Skype and, among other things, she told me about meeting Faris Rotter (of The Horrors) at Spitalfields Market (and how it took him so long to write an autograph!) and of having her first driving lesson today. She's so nervous about it! It's a two-hour long lesson and she hasn't the foggiest about driving, but may have to drive on the road on her first day. No practise course. Bless! I'm glad I'm not home for mummy to surprise me with having booked a driving lesson.

Dear Myra, why have you drawn a moustache on your arm?

Please don't cry for what can't be. Yes, you are in a most saddening, heart-wrenching position but be happy for the happiness that does exist and could exist for you also, if you go out and find it. Happiness might even be hiding in your room, if you just tidy up a bit.. Remember, that they are in a difficult position also and empathise with their situation. It is hard on all of us. I don't want to sound patronising and possibly unsympathetic, no, that's the opposite of my relationship with you, but there are plenty of people you've yet to meet and should meet.. Of course you could blossom on your own also. There's still so much to you that you've yet to nurture and grow. Bloom and grow.

Love isn't easy, but it is understanding.

poor darling, neglected blog and I'm too lazy to write the html code to embed this webcomic: QC #826

Got off the night bus around 新宿西出口, brushed my teeth in a public bathroom, walked through the 駅 cos it's raining, then down Meiji Dori to breakfast at McDonald's.

As we were talking about caves, cos the idea of exploring some excited Rachel.

Aaron: "the fearless Myra is actually afraid of something?"

Ha, ain't that cute? I suppose he thought so cos I'm often saying "let's" and had planned to go travelling alone - around a country where I can barely speak, read or understand the language. But I reckon I'm scared of more things than most people.

You know how it is.. you've just realised that holidays will begin soon and that means deadlines will come sooner, so you list them - deadlines for essays, reports, presentations, plus any final exams. Upon working out the rate at which you need to pepare and produce results, you panic, declare sleep is overrated, stock up on easy meals, snacks and, above all, caffeine. But, suddenly, within the first few days of your hermit life, you find that everything is suddenly infintely so much more interesting: the book acting as a platform for your snacks, that had been renewed several times, needs to be read this instant; that hobby you'd been meaning to take up is now something you can explain at great length; you agree that your room needs to be tidier and cleaner.


(Of course, I'm exaggerating; most of my time has been spent feverish with the travel bug.)

man, I was really down yesterday. I won't go into it, to avoid dwelling on it and inviting the mood to return, linger. today's good though. okay, I didn't wake up near as early as I'd hoped: I only managed to watch 10 minutes of Pokémon before falling back asleep, but I've showered, eaten and done some work :)

I've been reading the book on Nietszche from Oxford Uni Press's Very Short Introductions series and I'm enjoying it so much I've had to make a second flask (because Japan doesn't understand the concept of 'mugs': they're half the size they need to be) of Earl Grey. But before returning to the book I'm here to check mail just quickly.. I say 'quickly' but I pressed 'play' in Spotify where I had Martha Wainwright's "I Know You're Married But I Have Feelings Too" album, which I'd not heard before and it's too good to leave.. Today I'm glad to be alone, but it's probably best that I ask someone to make sure I go out and buy food. oh.