aauurgh! I've just realised that we're almost at 11pm. where did my day go? :(
bedtime.
news: - I've just caught up on a month's worth of QC and I loved it so much for being so relateable.. I kind of hope it ends one day, so that I'll have a reason to re-read it. Can't re-read it while it's ongoing, unless I could read all 2000+ issues in a weekend, but that would be a chore.
- I've migrated to Tumblr. Considering I engage with internet sources several times a day, I thought it would be a neat idea to accumulate them in one place, to remind myself in the future of things that had interested me. While on the face of it it would seem seem a jumble, it has potential to be organised (perhaps by tags). It seems to me that blogs are marketed and users are encouraged to use them as a tool for persons/people to communicate their opinions or preferences on particular topics, subject fields, interests etc to the wider world, but I feel it is also effective for the role I have given it. In addition to filing nuggets of interest, I could add notes of my thoughts on those things I present and so expand the role further. Unfortunately, I haven't implemented the last idea yet..

Just got home. I like to think that if I didn't have to work today, I'd've spent Christmas Day cycling around London.

Plan for today: watch Wonders of the Solar System on Eden +1 (ends at 3pm), cook roast beef dinner (roast beef, gravy, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, boiled veg), (finally) watch My Neighbour Totoro on FilmFour at 5.15 (or at 6.15 on +1).

Must remember to drink water and look for a job in the ad breaks.

After dinner, he wanted me to keep him company while he worked on his essay. Walking from mine to his, I wore the coat I'd worn all through the cold months of second year and, because of old habits, he says, he reached for my hand to hold in his, in his pocket. I called him silly.

I wish his girlfriend would announce whether she will visit him this summer.

why are there no concessions for emotional problems?
I can't help being in love with my best friend. I love him more now than the second year of us dating. Then, it felt that we were together out of habit, though he's said that he was in love with me then, in a craze of desire.

Now.. here's an extract of the email I sent him earlier this evening:

"You're more like a boyfriend to me now than when we were dating in second year.. we talk and have engaging conversations now, I'm not near as awkward or shy around you, and we can really goof around, share things and enjoy things together.
...

But I don't understand how you can love her when you put hardly any effort into sharing things with her, while we hang out, talk and laugh together every day. Does she know about your career/post-graduation-related worries, that you'd considered taking the law conversion course, followed it up and decided against it, that you almost had an interview for being a life model, how you desperately need money for food, how you enjoy Alain de Botton's talks, or how you see me as your best friend? Have you sent her a message on a whim the way you were sure I'd enjoy your story of seeing sheep charging in a field and so felt compelled, somewhat, to tell me?

I understand that you don't love me and I'm trying to come to terms with it.. haha, or perhaps I'm trying to persuade you to or "make you realise" that you love me. But I wish I don't love you as I do, yet, as your friend, I want to make sure that you understand why you love her."

[A note to my statement 'you put hardly any effort into sharing things with her': they communicate, at most, every 2 weeks. She'll send him text messages and he'll reply, every two weeks. No emails, perhaps a Skype date every 3 weeks, but not both text messages and Skype dates in a single month, no.]