I can't help being in love with my best friend. I love him more now than the second year of us dating. Then, it felt that we were together out of habit, though he's said that he was in love with me then, in a craze of desire.
Now.. here's an extract of the email I sent him earlier this evening:
"You're more like a boyfriend to me now than when we were dating in second year.. we talk and have engaging conversations now, I'm not near as awkward or shy around you, and we can really goof around, share things and enjoy things together.
...
But I don't understand how you can love her when you put hardly any effort into sharing things with her, while we hang out, talk and laugh together every day. Does she know about your career/post-graduation-related worries, that you'd considered taking the law conversion course, followed it up and decided against it, that you almost had an interview for being a life model, how you desperately need money for food, how you enjoy Alain de Botton's talks, or how you see me as your best friend? Have you sent her a message on a whim the way you were sure I'd enjoy your story of seeing sheep charging in a field and so felt compelled, somewhat, to tell me?
I understand that you don't love me and I'm trying to come to terms with it.. haha, or perhaps I'm trying to persuade you to or "make you realise" that you love me. But I wish I don't love you as I do, yet, as your friend, I want to make sure that you understand why you love her."
[A note to my statement 'you put hardly any effort into sharing things with her': they communicate, at most, every 2 weeks. She'll send him text messages and he'll reply, every two weeks. No emails, perhaps a Skype date every 3 weeks, but not both text messages and Skype dates in a single month, no.]
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